GETTING ON WITH ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND US.
A Christian cannot be closed in on himself, without any concern for what is happening around him. Jesus Christ shows us how to relate to other people.
After he had responded to Our Lord’s call, Matthew gave a banquet at which Jesus, his disciples and some other people were present. Amongst the latter there were many tax collectors and sinners who were all friends of Matthew. The Pharisees were surprised to see Jesus sit at table with this kind of person, so they said to his disciples: why does he eat with tax-collectors and sinners? (Mark 2:13-17)
Jesus enjoys being with these people who are so different from each other. He feels at ease with every one of them, because he has come to save everyone. Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. As all of us are sinners we can all feel we are at the very least unwell. Jesus does not separate himself from us. In this scene we can contemplate how Our Lord never avoids social relationships; rather does he look out for them. Jesus gets on with people of all types and characters; with a convicted thief; with innocent and simple children; with cultured and powerful men such as Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea; with beggars, lepers, whole families … This interest clearly shows the concern Jesus has to save everyone, regardless of status or walk of life.
Our Lord had friends, like those in Bethany, who invited him, or to whose home sometimes he invited himself. Lazarus is our friend (John 11:11). Jesus has friends in Jerusalem who lend
him a room in which to celebrate the Passover with his disciples. He also knows a man who will lend him a colt for his solemn entry into Jerusalem, and knows him so well that the disciples can take it without more ado (cf Mark 11:3).
Jesus showed great regard for the family, in which the most important thing is to learn to get on with other people and to practice all the virtues this demands. The family is the first and most important place for social relationships to be developed. We are shown as much by those years of hidden life in Nazareth. Rather than many other little events that he could have recorded for us, the Evangelist tells us that Jesus was subject to his parents (cf Luke 2:51). It was to be one of the things that Mary would never forget about those years. In order to give a picture of the love of God the Father for men, Our Lord talks about the love of a father for his son, who does not give him a stone if he asks for bread, or a serpent if he asks him for a fish (cf Matt 9:7). He brings the son of the widow of Naim back to life (cf Luke 7:11), because He has compassion on her loneliness – the young man was an only son – and on her sorrow. In the midst of his sufferings on the Cross He himself is solicitous for his Mother, entrusting her to John (cf John 19:26-27). This is how the Apostle understood it: and from that hour the disciple took her to his own home (John 19:26-27).
Jesus gives us such a clear example because we have to learn to get on with everyone, no matter what their defects, their ideas or peculiarities. We must learn from him to be the kind of people who are open to others, with a capacity for making friends, always ready to understand and forgive. A Christian, if he really does follow Christ, cannot be shut in on himself without any concern for what is going on around him.
A major part of our life consists of brief encounters with people we see in the lift, in the bus queue, in the doctor’s waiting room, caught up in the traffic of a huge city, or in the one and only chemist’s shop in the little village where we live … Although these moments are sporadic and sometimes fleeting and unrepeated, they occur many times a day, and are beyond counting in the course of a lifetime. They are important for a Christian as they are opportunities that God gives us of praying for those we meet and of showing them our esteem, as children of the same Father should do. Usually we do this through our good manners and courtesy, which easily become channels of the supernatural virtue of Charity. People are very different one from another, but they all expect something of a Christian – what Christ would have done in our place.
We also come into contact with unique and very dissimilar people within our family circle, at work and among the neighbours … All of them have very different characters, and human and cultural backgrounds. We need to make an effort to learn the art of living together. Saint Thomas points to the importance of the particular virtue this art requires, a virtue which maintains a man in a becoming order towards other men as regards their mutual relations with one another, in point of both deeds and words (St Thomas, Summa Theologiae, II-lI, 114, 1). This particular virtue which contains many others, is affability, which leads us to make life more pleasant for the people we see every day.
This virtue, which should be, as it were, the framework of human relationships, is probably scarcely noticed, but when it is lacking it is greatly missed. Relationships become tense, and there are many faults against charity. Sometimes relationships become strained or even break down completely. Affability and the other virtues related to it make everyday life pleasant: within the family, at work, in traffic, with neighbours … Of their very nature they are virtues directly opposed to selfishness, signs of annoyance, fiery temper, bad manners, disorder and lack of consideration for the tastes, concerns or interests of others. Saint Francis de Sales wrote, It is necessary to have a good stock of these virtues close to hand, for they have to be used almost continually (St Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, III, 1).
A Christian will be able to turn the multiple details of the human virtue of affability into demonstrations of the virtue of charity if he is motivated in them by love of God. Then charity turns affability itself into a stronger virtue, richer in content, and gives it a much broader horizon. We must also practice it when a firm and unwavering attitude is called for: You have to learn to disagree charitably with others – whenever the need arises – without becoming unpleasant (J. Escrivá, Furrow, 429).
By means of faith and charity, a Christian learns to see his brother men as sons of God, who always deserve the greatest respect and signs of attention and consideration (cf F. Fernandez, Anthology of Texts, see Affability). Because of this we must take heed of the thousands of opportunities that each day brings with it.
All the Gospels tell us about the respect with which Jesus treated everybody: the healthy, the sick, rich and poor, children, elderly folk, beggars, sinners … Our Lord has a big heart, which is both divine and human. He does not dwell on the defects and deficiencies of the people who come to him or of those He seeks out. It is vital that we, his followers, should want to imitate him, although at times we may find it difficult.
There are many virtues that make it easier to live with other people, and that even make it possible to do so at all; take kindness and forgiveness, for example, which lead us to judge people and the way they behave in a favourable light, without dwelling on their defects and errors; take gratitude, which is that appreciation of a good received, with the desire of acting in some corresponding way. Often we will only be able to say thank you or something similar by way of expressing gratitude; it is not difficult to be grateful and it does a great deal of good. If we are attentive to the people around us we will be aware of the surprisingly big number of people who do different little acts of service for us.
Affection and friendship are of enormous help in our daily dealings with people. How wonderful it would be if we could consider as friends all those we work or study with, our parents, our children, the people we live with or meet! Consider them as friends – not only as colleagues or fellow workers. This would show that we had really made an effort to live those many human virtues that make
the growth of friendship possible: lack of self-interest; understanding; a spirit of co-operation; optimism; loyalty. Friendship can be particularly close within our own family; between brothers and sisters, with our children, with our parents. Friendship can overcome the most disparate differences of age when it is inspired by the example of Jesus Christ, perfect God and perfect Man, who practiced the human virtues fully, in their every aspect.
In our daily relationships with people, cheerfulness, which we show by smiling at the right moment or by being pleasant to those we encounter, opens the door for many souls who are on the point of closing themselves to any sort of dialogue or understanding. Cheerfulness encourages people and helps them in their work, and assists in overcoming the numerous reverses that life sometimes brings. A person who habitually lets himself succumb to gloominess and pessimism and does not struggle to overcome it straightaway, will be a dead weight, something of a morbid liability for others. Cheerfulness enriches other people, because it is the expression of an interior richness that is not improvised, stemming as it does from the deep conviction that we are, and recognize that we are, children of God. Many people have found God through the joy and the peace emanating from Christians they come in contact with.
Mutual respect is another indispensable virtue in our relationships with others. It moves us to consider other people as unrepeatable images of God. In his personal relationship with God, a Christian learns to venerate the image of God that is found in each and every man (J. Escrivá, Friends of God, 230). We also have to see the image of God in those who, for whatever reason, we find less lovable, less likeable, less amusing. Being with others also teaches us to have respect for things, because they belong to God and are at the service of men. Respect is a necessary condition if we are to help other people improve, because if ever we try to lord it over others, our advice, our attempts to correct, and our suggestions, become ineffective.
Jesus’ example inclines us to live in a way that is pleasantly open towards other people; it leads us to understand them, to regard them always with an initial sympathy which will be a growing one. It tends to make us accept optimistically the whole gamut of virtues and defects that exist in the life of each of us. It is a gaze that reaches deep down into somebody’s heart and there finds that hidden goodness that exists in everyone. A person who feels understood easily opens his heart and lets himself be helped. Anyone who lives the virtue of charity can easily understand people, because he makes it a rule not to judge others’ inmost intentions, which are known only to God.
Closely allied to understanding is the capacity to forgive readily. We would be poor Christians if, at the slightest upset, our charity were to grow cold and we were to distance ourselves from members of our family, or from people at work. A Christian should examine himself to see how he reacts to the annoyances that being with other people always produces. Let us make a resolution, in honour of Our Lady, to do our best to live these details of true charity towards our neighbour.
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